Love...

 Love.

LOVE

Love is such a powerful four letters, probably the most powerful. I will not define Love, and I think we have too many definitions already. But what I do want to say is how 'Love' is just a word but is brought to life by a soul. When Love receives life, it becomes visible and tangible. Ever heard 'I can see love in your eyes?' When a person or even a pet(animal) is loved, you will see it written all over them. Everything and everyone you love blossoms! Blossoming is the secret ingredient in Love.

Again, I am not going to define Love. Not because there is an actual definition that fully defines Love but because the definition and expression of Love is unique to every person. Oh yes, everyone has to define Love based on how they feel and express it. So, we must never compare the Love of one to another. Let me give share an example, a mother's love is strong, but she can never love her child(ren) in such a way that she wants to marry them and spend the rest of her life with them. Instead, she may want to choose the best spouse for them. But there is another person who will love me so much and can decide to spend the rest of my life with this person. In another scenario, one person can love another and will not want a relationship because they believe that a relationship could complicate things, and they could lose the Love they already have. Now that person is content with keeping it as it is, whereas another person wants to marry and do life together no matter what happens. So, Love solely depends on the person loving and how much they can do for that Love.

So let me tell you what Love is not. Love can be anything, but certain things cannot be, and I will write about a few of them:

Love is not 'unforgiving'. When you love someone, let's assume that you inflate a balloon, and it keeps expanding as your Love grows. Note this balloon is the best quality, and it won't burst no matter how much it expands. Good. Every time you don't willingly forgive someone you love, you leave a piercing in that balloon. And you know what happens when a balloon is punctured; you guessed right, it starts to deflate. So, when you hold something against someone you love, you are deflating your balloon, and soon, it will reduce. The funny thing is you don't even realize you are falling out of love with someone until that balloon fully deflates. Suddenly, you don't want to do the things you used to do with them anymore. Yes, it's okay to be human and be angry with people, but you must be careful. Remember how I started this piece with Love being a very powerful four-letter word, correct? Well, Love has a sibling called 'Hate'. Hate is equally four letters and is as powerful as Love. Love and Hate are in a constant battle of who is supreme, and the energy we give determines who truly rules between them. So as your balloon

deflates, Hate is penetrating Love's territory, and it's only a matter of time before there is a complete takeover. Don't just forgive; forgive ahead.

Love is not 'hurting'. When you love someone, you will never deliberately hurt them. I purposely chose to discuss forgiveness before 'hurting' people you love. That's because your loved ones will surely annoy you, but it may not be a deliberate act, so learn to forgive first. Now back to hurting loved ones, that is a No-No! Don't take advantage of how someone loves you and hurt them deliberately because you know they will forgive you. In this scenario, let's assume that Love is an elastic band, for every time you hurt someone who loves you, you leave a tear on that band, and eventually, it will cut, and that will be it. Sometimes you want to prove a point, but deliberately doing something you know will hurt this person is not the way to go. Yes, they may get your point, but they will never forget how your actions made them feel. We all have to find healthy ways to let our loved ones know how their actions impact us without taking advantage of their vulnerability. Our loved ones need to feel safe around us no matter what. Don't hurt those who love you; it hurts.

Love is not a reward. You cannot reward loyalty with Love. Love should happen naturally and build up. When Love is building, the persons involved may not even be aware; you wake up one morning and realize you are hopelessly in love with someone. You know when it happens. What you can't do is decide to reward someone who has been there by trying to love them. You don't choose for Love; Love chooses. It will be unfair to play Love with someone because you feel it's the right thing to do. One day, just one day, you will find Love in another person who will hurt the one you rewarded with Love. Or you choose to stay and continue to struggle in that relationship and remain unhappy. The person may also fall in love with another and hurt you, or they may choose to continue playing Love with you while you both remain unhappy. It is good always to have conversations about how you feel with people, so there is no misunderstanding. You don't have to marry someone because you have known each other since high school and you feel they know you better than any other person.

Always ask yourself this question- If this is Love, am I happy? It is not enough to be in Love or be loved; are you happy? Happiness is key, happiness births the blossoming.

Don’t miss your opportunity train...quit the wait!

 

The other day when I saw my optician, I complained bitterly about my current recommended glasses which has been straining my eyes lately, seems my eyes perform better without them and I have worn them for two years...is it not supposed to correct? 

The man looked at me and asked me nicely 'how old are you madam?' I answered him feeling like a young girl that is tired of wearing glasses. He just told me 'you are too old for ANY eye correction'. He went further to say that the period of correction elapsed as far back as when I was 13 or 14 years old. And in fact right now the eyes is reacting because it needs a  new recommendation(this was after series of tests). Bottom line is madam you will wear medicated eye glasses very well in your lifetime😭. I was humbled. So whether I like it or not this is a necessity for life. 

But that's not why am writing this epistle, this story just shows us that one day it will be too late to actually do some things. Yes we are told that its never too late to start, that one is to encourage you to start and that is because they see you can actually start at the point you are that moment...the truth is it will get to a point and the opportunity will not be for you anymore. The fact that you dream about or talk about it everyday doesn't not translate into reality. The reality is to actually do something deliberately. For example you love to play football and it is when you clock 35years that you  want to play because neymar is smiling to the bank and inside your heart you know you are better than neymar...no one will ever take you even with your age and experience in 'talking' football. Simply because your time has passed. 

Friends, whether you make a move or not life will surly go on without you. I know the 'I am unique' gospel but my dear if you dont do  it someone else will. I know you believe in yourself, so let us move from believing to actually working what we believe of ourselves. Yes you can do it but one day you will not be able to do it again...why...you missed your train...and then you have to just live with what you are presented with.

Don’t be a judge...

It is really easy to judge people when you do not know them. When you judge people, you don't have time to love them. If the first thing you see about people are the things they are doing wrong or how they don’t fit with you then you need a mind restructuring. 

Life is too short to mess around with opportunities you get to be nice to people and add value to them. You must not be friends with everyone that you meet but you can be nice. Everyone will not fit in with you but don’t be a judge. When you meet people, give yourself a chance to know them. When you know them, you will appreciate their personalities. The saying ‘never judge a book by its cover’ is true. It is possible not to still like a person’s personality when you get to know them. It is also possible to love them when you get to know them. 

Next time, before you open your mouth to judge somebody remember there is more behind the mask then take a moment and count from 15 to 1. 

Kindness is free, spend it!

Do it afraid!

Remember when you had it all figured out? Graduate early 20s, start a career immediately, own a business by the side, have a fat account, take self sponsored vacations, eat well, exercise, fall in love, get married and have beautiful babies! Life seems so beautiful! So its not like you don't know what you want, you actually do. so what seems to be the problem? I can think about a few that I will talk about the one I think is the number 1 below.

FEAR. The fear of the unknown remains the number 1 reason for so many unchecked boxes in our life. The fear of 'what if?' I have asked myself that question so many times that I have even lost count. The question of 'what if' looks like it has no answer, but I have found an answer! Somebody shout 'Yaaaaaay!' Now drumrolls............the answer to this almighty question is simple and only three words. Who would have the answer to 'what if' is just to add another word to it? Now that I can hear the drumrolls, I can tell you that the answer is 'What if not'! Yes, that simple. what if not. 

if you don't try something, you never know the possibilities. But if you try something you are exposed to so many possible outcomes. So why do you just conclude the outcome when you have not even tried. So you ask yourself 'what if I fail?' Well what if you succeed? Even if you fail, you won't be the first to try something for the first time and fail. A lot of people have taken unimaginable risk with their ambitions and not everyone hit the jackpot the first trial. Some maybe even gave up, but see it as they gave up so that you don't have to give up your own dreams. 

So you may know the kind of life that you want, it is honestly a huge milestone to be absolutely sure of the good life you want...welldone for that. It is okay not completely know 'your how to'. You will figure it out but all you need to know is where and when to start. On the question of when to start, you start when you you think it and where you are at that very moment. You are the most important factor and you are present! The when and where doesn't matter, all that matters is you.

So make a commitment today. Read this out loud: I can do it and I will do it even if I have to do it afraid! 

You can choose your allies!

 Simply put that an Ally is someone who has got your back. Do you have anyone like that in your corner right now? 

In today's world where maintaining a high profile social image is more important that actual connection with people, it is very difficult to truly identify who has got your back for real. The first event of our life when we are born is a naming ceremony which automatically gives us an identity. We gain a family-that we did not choose. Even though we don't get to choose our family we can choose our friends. As much as family gives us an identity, friendships will also define us. Sometimes, when faced with challenges we first think about who we know that can help us. If you cannot find anyone in your corner to see you through a difficult time then you need to rethink your associations. 

Being there surpasses financial obligations. It involves emotional and mental availability. It is not everything that money can fix, sometimes rendering the best counsel can go a long way. If your friend is not known to give you the right counsel when you need it then you don't have an ally in that friend. Do you feel the need to disappear when you are having a rough time because nobody around you understands? Somebody has to understand you. If you cannot find that one person then you should reevaluate your associations. Also being available for someone you care about is never a burden, you just show up because you know you need to. 

Yes...different people play different roles in our lives. While this is true, don't get distracted creating a network of people for different roles in your life and forget keeping the 'real' ones close enough too. I understand the need to be popular on social media today, I get the desire to be an influencer/ambassador, I understand you have to grow your followers, I know you need more likes, and you will 'drag' anybody to trend. While you are at this, make sure you also find time to build the right support system-your allies. They are the ones that will protect you. What could go wrong you ask, so many things could go wrong. Life is dynamic, we don't have any life manual so anything could really go wrong. You will need your allies. They will make sure that no matter what goes wrong, everything will be alright!

It is really important that you have people who love and care about you in your corner. ignore the urge to stay woke and choose wisely. 

Know them, love them!